Saturday, January 29, 2005

The Wasp in the Cauliflower

It is winter. I hate winter. You lug kilos upon kilos of clothing around with you. It takes ages to get dressed. It is dark for too many hours every day. I used to think that no matter how horrible winter was, at least you are not bothered by wasps. When it comes to wasps, I am phobic.

Preparing my purple cauliflower before steaming it, I saw my insectoid attacker. It had survived a trip from Spain to Germany and 3 days solitary confinement inside a plastic bowl - but it was alive. Mercilessly I butchered it with the knife I was holding and threw it in the bin with some cauliflower stems.

I should have told you right from the start that this is no harmless fable in the style of Aesop or de la Fontaine, but a gruesome monster movie. Yes, just before I had to leave for work, I saw something moving near my rubbish bin. It was the brute crawling about on my floor, dragging its mutilated body along. I put on my monster crushing protective clothing (rubber glove) and squeezed it in wads of toilet paper.

Do not tell me that such things just happen. These organic farmers are sinister types who will do anything to protect their cauliflowers from pests - even set those nightmarish monsters on them.

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